xo, jaymo: 2015

Happy Birthday Jesus, sorry your party is so lame

7:54 PM

Everyone always gets so butt hurt about playing Christmas music before Christmas and I will never understand why. Christmas is the best time of year. Not (just) because of the millions of lights everywhere. Not (just) because of the presents. Not (just) because of peppermint hot chocolate. I love the feeling that comes with Christmas. There is so much love in the air. So much giving and acceptance. It's a feeling I wish we could keep all year long (hence the reason I play Christmas songs in July).

I've been going through a lot these last couple of weeks and I couldn't help but think.... "Really God? Right now of all times? I have finals to get through. It's almost Christmas, my favorite time of year. Could you give me a break? But then, as most of my realizations do, it hit me square in the head (and the heart). Maybe this is the best time of year to go through trials. Everywhere you turn there is a reminder of the person who helps us get through those trials.

Every Christmas Eve we have a tradition of playing out the nativity with candles. We have candles for each character of that holy night: 3 purple candles for the wiseman, 3 green candles for the shepherds, 2 blue candles for Mary and Joseph, 1 tall white candle for the Angel, and 1 small white candle for baby Jesus. As we light each candle we sing a song and read a verse from the scriptures or recite a phrase to represent a person present at Christ's birth. As the night of Christ's birth ends, each candle must be snuffed out as a representation of each character returning home and eventually back to their Heavenly Father. But the light of Christ remains constant. "The light that began in Bethlehem was Eternal Life. And this life was the Light of all mankind. That Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never overcome the Light. And it all began on a silent, holy night"

I know that the magic of Christmas comes from a loving Father who sent his son to earth so that we could one day return to him. It comes from a child who was born to take on all the pains of the earth. Without him as our constant light, the magic of Christmas would not be the same.

Out of all the gifts I received today, Jesus Christ was by far the best one. He is the gift that can be received again and again each year and each day.

Merry Christmas everyone. I love you all.

xo, jaymo

p.s. Jesus's party was awesome today it's just an office quote

Peace

In His Own Time, In His Own Way

7:39 PM

I was ecstatic about sorority recruitment. I had spent an entire year watching friends and strangers I follow on Instagram post pictures of all their fun sorority formals and date nights and new sisters. It was finally going to be my turn.

I walked in the first day confident I would make it into the house of my choice (let's call them house A) but I had an open mind and I wanted to check out houses B and C too. I remember having some of the best conversations in those houses. I felt at home in all 3. I left thinking the next day I would be invited back to all my top choices.

The next day I showed up, got my schedule, and my heart dropped when I saw that houses A and B both had not invited me back. What was wrong with me? Why didn't they want me? I still attended most of my schedule that day but I left in tears.

I called my cousin (who had been in house A) for comfort and she was positive it was a mistake. She explained that the voting process is literally 30 seconds. I had dyed my hair blonde the day before recruitment (I highly recommend NOT doing this if you want to get into your choice of house) and her theory was they probably had Facebook pictures of me with brown hair and couldn't find me when they went to vote. She was positive it had nothing to do with me but I was still so sad and embarrassed...

That night we had to input our preferences and I completely screwed up. Putting one of my now top houses (D) at the very bottom of my list and house C (which was now my #1 preference) as my second choice. I tried to call like 4 different people to change it but they all said once you've submitted your preferences you can't change them.

Pref day gave me assurance that I would make it into house C, my now top choice house. I was paired with the sweetest girl who basically told me I was in even though they aren't suppose to say that. I loved house C. I was so excited to be apart of such an amazing group of girls.

Bid day came and I wasn't too worried. Mostly just excited. The president of Panhellenic counted down 3, 2, 1 and everyone opened their bid. Girls were screaming and hugging and running to their new sisters as I sat in my chair dumbfounded that the name of house C wasn't on my piece of paper. Holding back tears I ran out of the Union building as fast as I could hoping no one would see me. I was so embarrassed. None of my top 3 houses wanted me. How was I going to tell all my friends who knew I had gone through recruitment? WHY DIDNT THEY WANT ME?

Members from other houses told me there HAD to have been a mistake because so many other actives wanted me in the house but it didn't make any sense to me. If they wanted me then why wasn't I in?

I started getting angry. I feel like this is a constant thing. Me never getting what I want. I wanted nothing more than to serve a mission but physically I am unable to go. I don't get to cheer anymore, the one thing I was actually good at and most passionate about. I didn't get the leadership position I was dying to get for my service trip next summer. I don't get to join a sorority this year. I feel like I have completely good and honest intentions yet everything I desire to do finds a way to not work out.

After lots of tears, a trip to the Cheesecake Factory, and the song "Love Myself" by Hailee Steinfield on repeat for a few days (BEST SONG TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOURE DOWN) it finally hit me. I wasn't doing a good job of aligning my will to Gods will. I mean maybe I do suck as a person and maybe none of my top choices wanted me but maybe all of these things weren't just coincidences. Maybe it was in Gods plan for me to slip through the cracks on three different houses because he has something else planned for me (even though it it NEVER what I originally wanted.) Maybe he knew I wouldn't be able to afford it. Maybe he knew I would get into trouble. Maybe I would be too overwhelmed. Whatever the reason, all I can tell you is revelation comes in his own time and in his own way. "It should not be surprising that one person--however important--is in no position to put conditions upon or to impose personal timing upon a visit or communication from the Highest Authority in the universe." (In His Own Time, In His Own Way - Elder Dallin H Oaks) I was sitting there demanding that God give me revelation on what to do with my life but he is not ready to give it to me yet or maybe I'm not ready to listen.

D&C 78:17 "Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you"

My all time favorite talk "Trust in the Lord" by Richard G Scott explains

"His invitation, 'Ask, and ye shall receive' (3 Ne. 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you."

Sister Neill F. Marriott said it perfectly this weekend when she explained that she has come to realized "my way is oh so lacking, limited, and inferior to the way of Jesus Christ. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come."

I have decided to make her family motto "IT WILL ALL WORK OUT" my own.

In that same talk by Elder Scott he conveys the message, "He is preparing you to be a god. You cannot understand fully what that means, yet, He knows. As you trust Him, seek and follow His will, you will receive blessings that your finite mind cannot understand here on earth. Your Father in Heaven and His Holy Son know better than you what brings happiness."

It seems silly doesn't it? That not being a cheerleader and not being in a sorority and having all these health problems are preparing me to be a God but I strongly believe it to be true. I have no idea how but I know my Heavenly Father will give me that revelation in his own time and in his own way as I continue to put my trust in him and move forward with faith.

I may not know what I'm suppose to do or why things haven't been working out for me but for now I feel peace. Peace that what God intends to happen, will happen. Peace that the most perfect being in the world has his own plan for me. Peace that he loves me perfectly.

D&C 6:23 "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

I'M MORMON & I HAVE A TATTOO

9:24 PM

Let me begin by saying I don't think I fit into the mold of your typical Latter Day Saint girl. I have a very different relationship with God (AS WE ALL CAN & SHOULD) and that is totally and completely okay!

To be honest, I don't even remember how I decided I wanted a tattoo. All I remember is thinking about it every single day for months until I was finally shaking on the scary table in the scary tattoo parlor with a scary man pushing scary needles into me.

But I have never once regretted the waves I received that day.

The ocean has always been my home. If my life could be summed up into one (EXTREMELY CHEESY) phrase it would be "you can't stop the wave but you can learn to surf."

There is this blog called Humans of New York and it's basically interviews of people who are in New York and one day I read a post and it stuck with me forever.

"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?"

"When a wave comes, go deep."
"I think I'm going to need an explanation for that one."
"There's three things you can do when life sends a wave at you. You can run from it, but then it's going to catch up and knock you down. You can also fall back on your ego and try to stand your ground, but then it's still going to clobber you. Or you can use it as an opportunity to go deep, and transform yourself to match the circumstances. And that's how you get through the wave."

The longer I have this tattoo, the more meaning it accumulates, the more I realize I need it's constant reminder, and the more I am thankful to have a Heavenly Father who speaks to me in such personal ways.

On April 30th of this year. I was about to get in the shower after a VERY long and stressful week of confusion and pain (both physical and mental) when I saw the waves in the mirror and had this overwhelming feeling that told me to "FEAR NOT." There is a story in Mathew 14: 27-31 where Peter is crossing the water unto Christ. Even though Christ told him from the beginning "Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid" Peter still gets all scared of the "boisterous winds" around him, takes his eyes off of Christ, and begins to sink. IMMEDIATELY Jesus stretches forth his hand to catch him. In that moment as I sat vulnerably naked in my bathroom I felt the lords hand reach out and grab me IMMEDIATELY as I began to look around me at the overwhelming sea. We all have these moments where we think we can not cross the ocean placed before us but I have a testimony that God cares more about our growth than he does about our comfort. I know Christ is at the end of every ocean we have to cross. He knows each of us perfectly and individually. There is absolutely no need to fear. We are in good hands. There are times we have to cross an ocean with unwavering faith to come more fully unto Christ but if we start to sink he will IMMEDIATELY reach out his hand to catch us!

(THANK YOU!!!!! for taking the time to read something that means so much to me)

xoxo

love, jaymo

Health

Back Surgery: A Major Bummer or a Major Blessing?

6:28 PM

One year ago today I got this cute little scar on my back and a new direction in life.

I had originally planned to have a microdisectomy on my lower back (which is basically when they shave off the part of the herniation that is bothering your nerves) on Thursday, August 7th 2014. The Monday before my surgery was suppose to take place we found a skin infection on my leg which looked similar to the MRSA infection they had found on my stomach earlier that summer. The surgeon told me I had to be infection free for 7 days before he would consider operating because the risk of infection in my back would be too high and could send me to the ICU. The only problem with this change of dates was the soonest he could schedule my surgery again was the 28th of August and I was suppose to be up at Utah State on the 25th to start school. I had a lot of questions to ask myself and a lot of options to weigh. How badly did I need this surgery? What was I willing to give up? What was I willing to suffer?

If you haven't read Trust in the Lord by Richard G Scott I suggest you do. Sometimes we don't understand immediately why Heavenly Father has chosen the plan he has for us. But we do know that he loves us PERFECTLY. We would not require us to experience a moment more of difficulty than is ABSOLUTELY NEEDED for our personal benefit. Another part of his talk struck me, "Your willingness to accept the will of the father will not change what in his infinite wisdom he has chosen to do." How powerful yet perfectly alarming. Just because I was dragging my feet at change, didn't mean it was going to stop him from allowing the change to happen. The only control I had in this situation was my attitude but what an extraordinary tool that can be.

After lots of fasting and prayer and temple meditation, I decided I could not wait any longer for my surgery. I ended up taking all my classes online through Utah State and stayed at home for the semester. It was very difficult for me to trust in Gods timing as I watched all my friends grow up and go to college without me. But boy did I learn that he has it down perfectly. I don't know what would have happened if I had decided not to have the surgery and went up to school. However, I do know I wouldn't have had nearly enough recovery time if I had had MAJOR BACK SURGERY on the 7th and tried to go to school less then 3 weeks later (sitting in classes, walking through campus, constant pain and uncomfortableness, no mom to wake me up in the middle of the night to give me pain meds and help me go to the bathroom). God put me in that tough position because he knew my first decision was not the smartest one. I'm so lucky to have a Heavenly Father who guides me to exactly where I need to be.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

xo, jaymo

Happy Birthday Jesus, sorry your party is so lame

In His Own Time, In His Own Way

I'M MORMON & I HAVE A TATTOO

Back Surgery: A Major Bummer or a Major Blessing?

About Me

Follow Me

recent posts

Blog Archive

Labels

Instagram

Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images