One year ago today I got this cute little scar on my back and a new direction in life.
I had originally planned to have a microdisectomy on my lower back (which is basically when they shave off the part of the herniation that is bothering your nerves) on Thursday, August 7th 2014. The Monday before my surgery was suppose to take place we found a skin infection on my leg which looked similar to the MRSA infection they had found on my stomach earlier that summer. The surgeon told me I had to be infection free for 7 days before he would consider operating because the risk of infection in my back would be too high and could send me to the ICU. The only problem with this change of dates was the soonest he could schedule my surgery again was the 28th of August and I was suppose to be up at Utah State on the 25th to start school. I had a lot of questions to ask myself and a lot of options to weigh. How badly did I need this surgery? What was I willing to give up? What was I willing to suffer?
If you haven't read Trust in the Lord by Richard G Scott I suggest you do. Sometimes we don't understand immediately why Heavenly Father has chosen the plan he has for us. But we do know that he loves us PERFECTLY. We would not require us to experience a moment more of difficulty than is ABSOLUTELY NEEDED for our personal benefit. Another part of his talk struck me, "Your willingness to accept the will of the father will not change what in his infinite wisdom he has chosen to do." How powerful yet perfectly alarming. Just because I was dragging my feet at change, didn't mean it was going to stop him from allowing the change to happen. The only control I had in this situation was my attitude but what an extraordinary tool that can be.
After lots of fasting and prayer and temple meditation, I decided I could not wait any longer for my surgery. I ended up taking all my classes online through Utah State and stayed at home for the semester. It was very difficult for me to trust in Gods timing as I watched all my friends grow up and go to college without me. But boy did I learn that he has it down perfectly. I don't know what would have happened if I had decided not to have the surgery and went up to school. However, I do know I wouldn't have had nearly enough recovery time if I had had MAJOR BACK SURGERY on the 7th and tried to go to school less then 3 weeks later (sitting in classes, walking through campus, constant pain and uncomfortableness, no mom to wake me up in the middle of the night to give me pain meds and help me go to the bathroom). God put me in that tough position because he knew my first decision was not the smartest one. I'm so lucky to have a Heavenly Father who guides me to exactly where I need to be.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
xo, jaymo
